That was supposed to be me

Dear Blake,

I knew it was coming…I tried to do everything I could to stop it.

I felt the the sickness coming on during the school day but it just got worse as I was driving home. 

I know when I get home I have to do all the Mom duties, my day doesn’t stop. 

I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t move.

I couldn’t take off my coat, I went right into bed. 

Thank goodness your Dadda was home today.

He did all the things I would normally do when I get home…dinner, bath, and bed.

I layed in bed and felt guilty.

I wanted to be with you but I couldn’t.

I heard Dadda giving you dinner…that was supposed to be me.

I heard Dadda giving you a bath…that was supposed to be me.

I heard Dadda take you in the room to rock you…then I started crying.  I called for you and Dadda brought you in to say goodnight.

I heard Dadda rocking you and singing to you…that was supposed to be me.

I felt guilty.

You went to bed.

I missed my time with you.

I hope I never get sick again.

Love,

Mama

 

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8 thoughts on “That was supposed to be me

  1. Aw, I can feel your sadness. Being a sick mom is never good – we do so much, and we want to be the ones who do it! Don’t worry, though, you have many wonderful moments to spend with your baby in the future!

  2. I hope you are feeling better Erin. I didn’t know you were sick. I know that feeling. It feels guilty too when you aren’t with them. But you need time for you too! It is okay to take care of yourself. Sometimes it is hard to realize that for me too!! I hope you have a great weekend. =)

  3. Hope you feel better! Such sadness shines through in this piece. I like your repetition of “that was supposed to be me.” You have to rest and recover, take care of yourself. If you aren’t well, you can’t be everything to Blake, and …Daddy was able to spend some quality time with him! Bet he was happy!

  4. awwww…this is a sad one. I have sent my kiddo to her grandma sometimes when I am sick for this very reason. It hurt to not be able to take care of her. If she wasn’t here it didn’t hurt as much. Feel better soon!

  5. I know exactly how you felt. But, isn’t it wonderful that you have a partner who can take over for you when you’re sick? Your child needs both of you in equal measures but in different tastes and colors. And, I still know how you felt.

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