After you were born

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Dear Blake,

The moment you were born the nurses cleaned you up and layed you on chest.  I didn’t care what was on you or even if they didn’t clean you off yet because all I wanted to do was hold you.  They let me hold you for what seemed like a long time because they knew that after that they would take you.  They finally took you to put you on a scale and took check you all over and give you the baby tests to see if you were healthy.  At first you were crying and the nurses said your cry sounded great and really healthy.  Then you started to make this grunting noise and apparently that meant something not good.  The nurses also discovered that you had a few little bumps on your skin and considering I had the shingles they were concerned it could be chicken pox.  They immediately weighed you and then turned to your father and I and said “we need to take him to the nursery.”  My heart sank.  I knew that was not a good thing.  I started crying and asking a million questions.  I just wanted you to be ok.  They said Daddy could come to the nursery but that I had to stay in the room to recover so I couldn’t go.  A mother is supposed to be with her baby and they were telling me I couldn’t go with you.  I was a mess.  We told the nurse that was taking you to the nursery to not let anyone in the waiting room see you.  She said she was keep it a secret.  The nurses took you away and Daddy went with.  After the doctor was finished with me she left too and I was all alone in the room.  A room that just a few minutes ago was filled with bright lights and lots of people was now suddenly empty and I was alone thinking about you and if you were ok.  How could they leave a new mother alone?!  Especially when her son was just taken to the nursery?!  It seemed like I was alone for forever but it was just a few minutes before the nurses were back checking on me.  Daddy came back and said you were ok and that they were hooking you up to an IV and checking you over.  I was recovered now and the nurses told me that I was no allowed to go in and see you because of my shingles.  It was the hardest moment of my life.  Harder than labor harder than the pain of the shingles.  Telling someone they could not see their baby is devastating.  But now came another hard part…we had to tell our families.  The nurse asked if she should tell the family to come in and we said yes.  We hadn’t told anyone your name yet (that was our only surprise left.)  As soon as everyone came back in the room we had to tell them that you were not there and what happened and that only Daddy and the Grandparents could go see you in the nursery.  We didn’t want anyone to see you unless we were there because we wanted to be there when everyone met you.  We were able to announce your name, Blake Thomas Johnson.  Papa Lia was so proud because your middle name was chosen after him.  It was a hard thing to tell everyone that you were in the nursery and that even your Mom could not see you.  Everyone decided to go home for the night and come back in the morning when hopefully they would be able to see you.

Now we just had to wait. 

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4 thoughts on “After you were born

  1. Oh, Erin, my heart really felt for you in this piece! How sad you must have felt! I just picture you sitting in that room all by yourself, longing to see your son, and I want to cry!
    Thankfully, I know this story has a happy ending, so I could hold on to that while I read. 🙂

  2. Wow! What an intense moment! Sometimes I can’t even believe what we humans go through – amazing story. Thanks for sharing.

  3. You really painted the picture of this day well. My heart went out to you. I could feel your disappointment. It must have been a very scary time.

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